The CURE

The hardest part about medicine,

…..is convinving someone when they don’t need medicine.

BUT…they stare at me wanting an answer, a pill, an antibiotic, an antidone, an end to the suffering….

A CURE!!!

WHEN will this stop?

HOW MUCH LONGER will I feel this way??

Why is this happening to me? This has never happened to me before???

WHAT CAN I TAKE FOR THIS PAIN??????

Plesase make this pain stop…

And ironically, the whole reason I went into medicine is because..

I hate medicine.

But I needed to learn its utility for humanity’s sake.

Because while many medications mey help to alter one’s “perception” of the pain…

The pain, the discomfort..

IS STILL THERE.

Of course no one wants to feel badly, be in discomfort, suffer in anguish..

So here I am…

ALL DAY EVERY DAY.. filling and refilling, filling and refilling, filling and refilling…medications.

EVERY.

DAMN.

Day.

To the point that I wonder, am I a total hyporcrite?

Even when I was admitted for my starvation, all the other residents were handed dixie cups full of antidepressants, anti anxiety, anti “insert psychotropic agent here” medications.

But I took nothing, I refused to take anything to change my “perception” of the pain….in this case, the emotional pain.

So perhaps I’m not a hypocrite, perhaps I’m just a masoquist.

Or perhaps …..I have not experienced true pain?

And I am by NO means suggesting there is no utlity for medication.

There are countless chronic and debilitation conditions which absolutely neccistate medications for managment, if not, pure survival.

But there are a plethora of ailments and syndromes that can be healed “conservatively”. Yet, patients may leave in a “huff” if I don’t prescribe the magic pill, or “cure” they were expecting. I struggle and stumble over my words as I try to explain that their symptoms can be healed WITHOUT medciations, but “it may take some time to resolve”. What I struggle to explain to patients is that the human body has a magnificent capacity to repair itself. What they do not understand is that the antibiotic that “worked” last time was not the antibiotic that cured them it was the TIME over which they took that antibiotic that cured them. There actually can be improved healing when you allow your body the TIME to heal. But this also means possibly having to endure pain, discomfort, and sometimes anguish, that comes along with that healing process.

Because there actually is…

Beauty

In 

The

Bleeding.

When pushed outside of comfort, our bodies and spirits will respond, we will naturally become stronger, and effectively, more resilant to the next malady that comes our way.

But as a provider, we are often a patients only refuge for of hope, therefore, how can I possibly advise SUFFEREING as their treatment!?!?!?!

How can I possibly suggest to patients to endure the pain?

Because as the birthdays gather and the wounds mount, that depression rears its ugly head. It senses a gap in your resilence, and begins to weave through your bones like a cancer. And suddently the constant enduring of pain and struggle to recover and heal becomes utterly…

exahusting.

Like trying to swim out into the ocean, as the ravaging waves continue to pound you back down to the ocean floor, attempitng to suffocate you with their tides.

It seemed promising when you first ran out to the water’s edge, you even skipped over those first few waves. But now? Now the big onese are beginning to roll in. Its high tide, and you fear you don’t have the fight left to swim against that tide any longer, to continue to endure that pain. Its seems easier to remain in the depression, remain on that ocean floor as the tides crash over you….

But then I recall the story of the butterfly (author unknown):

A man found the cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and could go no further. So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small shriveled wings. The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time. Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly. What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were nature’s way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon. The butterfly spent the rest of its life unable to fly, crawling around with tiny wings and a swollen body.

Struggles are vital for ability to build strength.

TRUST your body….it will take longer to heal than you prefer.

Over the course of my own life, I have “Andy Dufresne – ed” my way out of many a malady, both physical and emotional, using nothing more than a Tiny…little …rock…hammer to chip my way out of the imprisonment .

But after that I STILL had to wade through a river of shit before I was able to fully emerge.

But the truth is… you WILL emerge ….even if all you have is a tiny hammer. Even if there is a crap swamp waiting for you on the other side.

You will never know what you are made of unless if you do not allow yourself to experience the entirety of the healing process.

There is no timeline.

You are WORTH the struggle.