Where do I take this pain of mine….

“Where do I take this pain of mine?
I RUN, but it stays right by my side!!”
Thank you Mr. Hetfield for joining me on this run-ey/trail-ey adventure where you can yet again, so ELOQUENTLY put into words…EXACTLY what is in my head…. 

“So tear me open, pour me out
There’s things inside that scream and shout”

 YEP YEP….you got it…those things sure do scream and shout..


“Just like the curse, just like the stray
You feed it once and now it stays
Now it stays”
Yep YES YESSIR EY …It sure does stay…and stay….annnnndddddd staaaaayyy 

“So tear me open but beware  ..
There’s things inside without a care” – .oh boy better believe it..there’s no telling WHAT’s gonna come outta this mug o’ mine…  and I’ve certainly been “ripped” open these past couple o’ years…

“And the dirt still stains me
So wash me until I’m clean” 
YES..CLEAN!! Just want to be CLEAN…although I find it so ironic that the only time I feel most “Clean” is after a muddy romp in the woods with these two feet on a trail, or when I can dig my hands in the dirt….
“And the pain still hates me
So hold me until it sleeps”

Ugh…SLEEP…I think the sleep hates me more than the pain…the pain…eh…we good ole’ chaps by now…I picture us side-by-side at a dingy old pub toasting glass mugs o’ beer….or wine…or whatever the pain requires at the time 
And as I enjoyed my feet along the trail on some familiar terrain… that these feet have not seen in QUITE SOME TIME…I felt..at home.  
And as I trotted along, I enjoyed an odd paradoxical feeling of “empty-yet-full”, “tired-but-energized”.  But it seemed to fuel me as I felt myself float along the trail, over the roots, through the mud puddles.  But suddenly I began feeling on odd sensation over my right hip, exactly where that dynamic hip screw is.  And as I’ve already LITERALLY bent one of the screws, I was cautioned by my surgeon about the possibility of it “backing out” if i’m not careful.

Whoa boy….
tear me open …
poor me out…
But I didn’t feel pain per se… just an odd “thumping” feeling.  Could it actually be that pesky little screw trying to back its way out…?? 
And as I continued to float along the trail, I let my mind wonder and ponder on this.  So what if it was backing out, I would probably need another surgery. And I’d be outta running for a while…AGAIN…possibly on a walker..AGAIN.  But that would BE OK…I would deal with it the way I did before.  Either way, I would continue to enjoy THIS moment…the moment I’m in RIGHT NOW, and every step of this trail.  Because I CANNOT worry about things I can’t control, and I know I can somehow find the strength to endure whatever lies ahead.  And oh’ how metaphorical life can be..because this is exactly how I feel about taking my new job!  I have no idea what I’m getting myself into with transplant patients. This COMPLETELY out of my wheel house and not even in the realm of my comfort zone ….but in the wise words of Johnny Depp (i.e. George Jung) in the epic film “Blow” just before he is about to meet with Fidel Castro 2 seconds after Fidel point blank blow’s someone’s head off ….George exclaims “EFF IT” ..and walks over to meet Mr. Castro.  Because what the hell…maybe I’ll get my head blown off…or maybe I’ll discover a MOST magnificent trail that I didn’t even know existed, or an unknown craft for treating patients. 

So I continue to run, even though that screw is probably backing out..and I’m gonna need another surgery..and I’m about to embark on a career that may very well back ALL of my screws out!! To it all I say “EFF IT” ..let’s get into this Sh$T!!
And as I revel in my post run “high” and enjoy a delish post-muddy-trail run stretch in the parking lot..I reach behind me and notice the back pocket of my shirt..which I had completely forgotten I had filled early this morning with a handful of “Emergency Nuts” in the event of a “mid-run snack crisis”.  It was then that I realized..it was the NUTS ..not the screws….that were “thumping” my thigh! Oh how ironical….and while I’ve never employed a “hashtag” before, I think it is certainly warranted ]as there are UM….NO.WORDS.TO.DESCRIBE.THIS.Ludicriousness…

So I will leave you with #ohmygodLMAOIamAStupidStpudSchmuckNowGoReadAboutFolksWhoHaveREALProblems!!!

Maybe I need more sleep…. 
Thank you for letting me share 

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